I was reading this post on Datingish today and it reminded me of some advice I'd heard many times before:  If you're not in the mood for sex, do it anyway and your body will catch up.  Ugh.  I hate that advice and I have a story to explain to you just why.

You see, once upon a time a few years back, my boyfriend and I were in a sexual slump.  That is, the sex wasn't as exciting and I was having more trouble getting in the mood than usual.  Some healthcare professional told me that if I just went ahead and had sex, even if I wasn't all that interested, that my hormones would get a jump-start and our sex life would get back to normal.

So, wanting to please my boyfriend, I dutifully started having sex when I wasn't interested.  It didn't work the first time, so I tried again.  And guess what?  It didn't work the second time, or the third, or the fourth.  Eventually sex became a chore for me.  It was just another thing on my to-do list and the fact that I had to make time for it 2 or 3 times a week even when I didn't feel like it made it even less appealing than it had previously been.  Of course, I eventually called the advice bull and quit doing it.  But to this day, even when I am in the mood, I still have this negative association of sex and responsibility in my psyche, and I can no longer fully enjoy sex because of it.

I found the "just do it" advice to be unhelpful and even counterproductive.  If your libido is low, I suggest having your SO seduce you to get you in the mood or even just waiting it out for a better time.

So, Xangans, I want to hear it from you.  Have you ever heard this advice before and, if so, have you followed it?  Did it work for you?  If you haven't tried this before, do you think you can "just do it" and get in the mood or are you with me and think that it's a bad idea?

I'm feeling better about my situation with Boy and I feel as if any onset of depression has evaporated.  This is most likely because I've found ways to occupy my time--namely work and preparing for a trip back home--and I've gotten back into a more regular sleep schedule.  I don't have as much time to dwell on the past, my mistakes or our struggling relationship.  Whether or not the method of distraction actually solves the problem is to be debated, however.  I've been forcing myself to both go to bed and wake up earlier, so there are less late nights spent sitting up pitying myself while everyone sleeps and more days spent running errands and interacting with actual human beings. Who would have thought? 

I spent the afternoon and evening with a friend from work today.  I felt accomplished because, since I moved here a year ago, I hadn't made any friends that I hang out with outside of school or work.  I feel it's important for Boy and me to develop a strong network of friends outside our relationship so that we don't foster a codependency this time around.  It was so refreshing to spend time with Butterfly and have all new things to talk about and a whole new person to learn.  I know Boy from front to back because we've been in a relationship for 3 years (including the ongoing breakup that didn't really break us up) and I knew him for 2 years before that.  And while it's nice to have a comfortable relationship where you know everything about a person, it gets monotonous after awhile. 

Even though Butterfly and I just got take out and let our dogs play together over at her apartment, it was exciting to do something out of my usual routine for the first time since I moved here.  I mean, Christ.  It's been a year that I've spent here and not once have I gone out bowling on a Friday night or to a movie with a friend.  Butterfly has a very extroverted spirit, and she just recently moved here from a city a couple hours away, so she's eager to make friends and has been inviting me to do things constantly since we met.  I'm glad she did--I'm not as insistent, myself, and that's why I always get mentions of get-togethers but never any final plans.  I'm glad to have a new friend who's not thousands of  miles away.

I spent a few days working this week.  It's more than I've worked in a week all summer, so the shifts helped to solidify my new sleep schedule and fill some hours that would have been spent alone otherwise.  In addition, I've been offered a part time job at a friend's start-up company.  Boss heard they've cut back my hours at my current job because of the economy and that I've been looking for a second job to make ends meet.  Boss is a nice guy and is doing really well for himself right now, and he decided he could use some help in the department he hired me in.  I'll be working from home and creating my own projects and agenda, which gives me more flexibility with my schedule and enhances my leadership skills.  The job is in my field of study and I'll be getting paid a great hourly rate plus a percentage of the sales my partner will be closing.  It's great, because I'll be getting professional experience to build my resume (and skill set) and I'll be making more money than I could have possibly imagined in a part time job.  I almost didn't take Boss's job offer because I felt overwhelmed with the responsibility that I'd be taking on (especially on top of school and my current job, which I'm still keeping) and I didn't feel confident in my abilities, but I decided that I should take the opportunity and turned in all the formal paperwork this morning.

Heading to m hometown this weekend to be with my family for a bit and to see my new niece.  I plan to do some work for my new job while I'm there, so I may or may not write then.

Hi everyone! I had a blog with Xanga years ago and recently decided to open a new account. So here it is!